Motivation

In my head, I am an awesome human being. Imaginary me works out regularly, eats healthily, doesn't spend too much time online, and in general just gets shit done. Imaginary me will never be real me. Real me is lazy. Real me loves to sit around and peruse the inter webs. Real me un-ironically enjoys shit television, and listicles, and stupid memes. Real me considers thinking about working out to be a workout.

I think humans are hardwired to enjoy downtime. Sure we shouldn't, but evolutionarily speaking we are still stuck in a 'well if it's not required, then why not conserve your energy,'  sort of bubble. I am not ashamed of my perceived laziness, even though Instagram yogis encourage me to eat healthy and every other blog/vlog/website out there is some sort of self improvement website. I will continue to eat my chocolate and drink my lattes and sit on the sofa knitting and watching something on Netflix.

This unapologetic couch sitting is in part because I work over 40 hours a week, and I'm too sapped at the end of the day to get to the gym, and also in part because I am bad at self motivation. And I think I am bad at self motivation because I am good at self love. I don't hate my body. I don't hate myself. I was very blessed and grew up with well rounded parents, so I have very few issues. Sure, physically I could use improvement, but mentally I am quite sound. There isn't much about my life that couldn't use improvement, to be sure, but there also isn't much that is going to crumble into disrepair any time soon.

Even though the sky isn't falling in my little universe, I need to get my ass into gear and go to the gym. I need to stop wasting time playing around on the Internet and actually use it to do cool things like learn another language or take an online class. I need to stop being so complacent.

Using friends who do these things with me is a good method, because I will do these thing in order to avoid letting my friends down. It is a good way for me to motivate myself, because I want to look good in front of my friends, and I don't want to let them down.

Using myself is bad, because I am okay with letting myself down. But I shouldn't be. The entire point of this post is for me to point out to myself that I shouldn't be okay with letting myself down, even though I am. Why am I more worried about what my friends think than what I think? Yes, I am good at self acceptance, but I wish I was better at expecting things of myself. Yes, I shouldn't be completely ashamed when I sit down and watch Netflix, I'm only human, but I should definitely be ashamed the 30th evening in a row. I want Imaginary me to become Real me, and it will never happen if I don't push myself.